Arline Jones

“Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light.” Dylan Thomas Although Arline Audry Jones passed the final weeks of her life in a hospice bed in the front room of her family home, medicated to ease the pain, she held on with a fight even the hospice workers were impressed with, without food and very little liquid she did not pass into the void easily. This is how I think of my mother. She was always a fighter. Strong willed and loving. And the one thing I knew about my mom – the one solid truth was that out of everything in life she wanted to be a good mom. Hands down she was great. Forgive me if I get overly sentimental. I’m hoping that a few of you who knew Arline will leave a memory or two – just submit a comment below. If you have a personal photo you would like to include on this page – send it to me – durandjones@mac.com and i’ll add it to this page. My mom didn’t like to have her photo taken so I’m not sure if there are that many out there, but i would like this entry in my blog to be dedicated to her loving memory. I actually started this memory blog a week before Christmas 2006 so that I could tell her all the things that I was going to hold close to my heart. When I sent her my simple list – she commented that “I was busy wasn’t I?”, she had forgotten some of the things I listed and she said that my brother and sister didn’t remember somethings from my past and I’m sure they have things they could add if they wanted to the list of memory gifts she gave them. Of course Mom wouldn’t have been Mom without Dad. He was steadfast by her side. A silent man who balanced her, loved her and encouraged her. Her main worry upon finding out about her cancer was making sure Dad was going to be taken care of – ”He’s going to need a lot of help – you have to promise you will look after him”. I don’t know how many times she made me make that promise. It has only been two weeks since she took leave of this mortal coil, and I so would like to talk to her over the phone again. I last spoke with her the day before the new year, that was the last time she would take my call, from that point on whenever I called, my Dad would say she was not feeling well enough to take a call. My dad sat by her side these last months, bathing her, feeding her, caring for her in every way possible, rubbing her cracking heels as the dehydration took it’s affects on her skin, administering her medications. Slowly watching the woman he had lived with for the last 55 years slowly waste away. Everyday I could hear how the drain of this journey was bearing down upon him. We both talked of our wish that it would end soon for her, why was she holding on so long? The day before she left us she awoke out of dead sleep and said to my Dad, “How much longer?”, he said she was very clear and precise for the first time in days. He called me Sunday morning two weeks ago to tell me she was gone. I wished I could have been there with him to hold him as he let the mortuary take her away, but he wanted to be alone to tackle this uphill battle, struggling with my Mom in her journey. It has not been easy for my Dad these last two weeks – the loneliness has been very difficult to adjust to. My mom had such a life energy in her. So many memories pile up in my heart and soul of this woman who was my Mom I don’t know where to begin but here goes: This is my favorite picture of my Mom Although I have no memory of it my Mom told me that she used to walk me down the street where I was born in Manitou Springs, CO to the Garden of the Gods. I visited it 10 years ago and was awed by the beauty of the rocks and took a shot of the house my Mom and Dad called home when I was born. My parents moved to Sacramento, CA after my Dad got out of the service – where my brothers Michael, Steven and sister Cheryl were born. My mom had been born in Sacramento. Here’s a picture of mom when she was pregnant with either Steven or Cheryl – she always showed – and had big babies when they were born – she always said she missed the experience of actually having a baby because her children were all so large when they were born. Me I was a real fat little boy. I remember when my sister Cheryl was born that Mom was in the garden that day doing the weeding with me, Mike and my Dad. The delivery came on quick in fact she had Cheryl while they were wheeling Mom into the hospital. Me I took an extra month to arrive. Mom was at home, always – cooking, hugging, laughing and waving her spatial when necessary, tickling, card playing, little league scorekeeper and rah-rah section for the catcher and the team, den mom, bowler, fisherwoman, great skater, dancer, seamstress, cake decorator, gardener, full of encouragement and a great card player. So many things wound up in one great package. I was very lucky. I know that she had a rough childhood – shuttling between my Grandmother Bea’s house and her multiple husbands and my Great Grand dad Irl’s home. She loved her grandfather very much. It may be just my opinion but I think she wanted to make sure my brothers and sister and I had the home she never had. I’m just going to float out these memories as they flow – they probably won’t make alot of sense – hopefully they will trigger one or two or your own. Swimming in the pool in our backyard. Visiting grandpa Cook’s house, it was always so cool and old in that house with the big walnut tree shading the house, the ivy on the brick patio in the backyard and the walnuts that had dropped to the ground, and of course his wife May, what a whirlwind she was, May would always want to give us kids something to take home and Mom would never let her. Visits from Grandma Bea and George which were always nerve wracking for Mom – her mother was always so critical – checking the door tops for dust, telling her that she didn’t know how to cook, the visits were always fraught with anxiety and good behavior admonishments to us kidsâ€_the visits were bound to be full of disappointment. I know later when my Grandmother Bea was gone that my mom missed her and felt like somehow she hadn’t been a good enough daughter because of the estrangement that happened where Bea never spoke to any of us again after our last visit back what – 67. Visiting Grandma and Grandpa Jones at the shop, their swimming pool. Playing long afternoons of monopoly games and Michigan rummy The swim party she threw for my 6th grade class. New Years celebrations with Lois and Larry Sitting in the front room watching football and parades on Thanksgiving. Dinner at the table every night all the time the whole family together. Going to the zoo The always great birthday parties with special cakes made – batman theme, beatles themed – she made alot of cakes. Going to the drive-in in the station wagon. Going to the Crest Theater to see Mary Poppins and the How the West Was Won. The long vacation up the coast to Canada in the trailer up the coast of California, Oregon and Washington – the ferry boat across the sound to Victoria Island – she hated riding on the boat, the Buchart Gardens, Space Needle – who knew then that Mom and Dad would live in Tacoma years later. Dad’s getting us lost in San Francisco All too many trips to Stinson Beach and Bodega Bay The vacation in the trailer up to Mt. Shasta, tubing in the mountains near Squaw Valley, going to Crescent City for the Ostrich races, the trailer vacation down south to Los Angeles and Disneyland, twice – some kids are so lucky, all those den meetings, the pack meetings – clean fingernails, kerchiefs, shoes shined, flags – it’s all apart of who I am. The little league games, dust, hot suns, picnics and friends, and the long Sacramento evenings playing in the yard out front and back, Easter baskets, and special gifts on Halloween, good night kisses. Teaching me to dance for that first junior high school dance at Starr King School – her hair was long and she loved to jitter-bug – and she could really do the jerk and twist – we had a lot of fun. She was so curious – when something appealed to her she was very curious about it – especially animals – she found all of the animal shows on tv and in the national geographic simply entralling – her excitement could be so infectous. Reading like writing was instilled by mom – Dr. Seuss, and fairy tales and i loved reading the trashy magazines she loved to read when i was younger – stories of romance and murder and secret rendevous. There was the newsletter she did for the school PTA which was done on a memiograph machine she used to make the PTA newsletter – lots of ink and a stylus for lines and typing and the mechanics of the drum with the ink and the stencil to create the newsletter – later on in my life I came to love the hand press because of those fond memories. Watching johnny carson with her, the smell of her smoking cigerettes and knowing it wasn’t good for her but associating it with her, alpine – the most horrible menthol cigerette i have ever had the pleasure to smoke Gladioulas and irises and her love of her dogs just like they were her kids. The tales of her restaurant days as a manager and as a waitress – boy she wasn’t going to take any guff from anyone on the floor – managers and customers alike and i am thinking right now how she never saw herself as old especially when dealing with older people she would always talk like they were sweet old things that she had to sort of mother and treat with so much respect even when sometimes they were younger than she was , she could still carry a big tray with a ton of food and plates on it up until a few years ago, and she paid dearly for that with a back that for the rest of her time on this planet plagued her with pain, but she always said if she could she would go back to work. We would go out for dinner and she always looked liked she would rather be somewhere else – that place was Denny’s she didn’t like pretense and Denny’s had that homey feel, and i don’t think i ever ate a meal with her when she didn’t find something wrong with the food or the service but she always left a good tip. Roller skating in the back yard and at the skating rink in Carmicheal, she could do a backward skate that appealed to me, skating at the roller rink with such ease. I remember how worried she was that birthday, when she was so sick and she came home just to be there for my birthday and i remember waking up and they were taking her back to the hospital – she tried so hard to be there that year – that’s what i remember – not that she wasn’t there but that she tried and wanted to be there so badly. The time i got hit in the mouth with the baseball – going to Dr. Peterson for the stiches and it hurt so bad – she was with me, and when we got home she sat there with my head in her lap, cold compress on my lip. Sitting at the dinner table drinking coffee with her while Dad was up in Idaho just talking. How she never felt satisfied with her cooking, i hated the tuna gray caserol thing she would make – but i loved the beef heart(yes I know I’m a vegetarian now – but then I loved it) – floured with pepper and salt and fried up with garlic, she loved asparagus and artichokes, she used to make a pork roast boiled and served up with egg noodels that would last for days – hominy served up with butter and pepper, hot bologna sandwiches – slices of bolgna pan fried in butter – then put on white wonder bread with butter – pure cholesterol now – but yum was that good. She went to school when i was in the fourth or fifth grade to learn about the new math as it was called then so she could help us with our homework, babysitting all those kids – Lois’ two kids – Michael and Tammy, the two girls i remember she baby sat for a while – their mother one day just didn’t come back, David and Lynn Chamberlain, Eve their mom worked. I remember distinctly the time the dog Queenie had puppies, Mohammed Ali won the fight that night against Sonny Liston, and either Uncle Bob or Larry was at the house while the dog gave birth and it was hot and sticky. I remember she was so worried because the mother dog was having such a hard time giving birth and give birth she did – I think there were seven pups. And then there was the special secret she and I shared when Queenie got so sick from her tumors and we had to take the dog to the vet and had to put her down and I remember we couldn’t tell anybody because we were going on a camping trip, and it was a special weekend cuz my Dad had some time off and we could spend it together and we weren’t going to have to worry about telling everybody about the demise of Queenie until we got back home and the trip could be enjoyed. She so didn’t want to ruin my Dad’s weekend camping trip. How upset she was when Grandpa Cook died – she was upset with me because I didn’t cry – I did later at Grandma Jones’. Pushing the cart for her in the grocery store when we would go grocery shopping. How angry she was when she found out I had lied about taking the bus home. How worried she was when my grades began to slip in the 7th grade. How she could put me on the ground by pushing my fingers back. Playing cowboy and indians with her on rainy days. How much work she put into making all those bells, swans and garlands for the wedding cake she made in cake class, making fudge and popcorn balls and sugar cut out cookies for christmas and then putting frosting on them – it was often a three day project that all of us kids were involved in. Going christmas shopping with her, buying clothes for the new school year – sears, jc penny and then there was this specialty store for teen boys. How when i started playing the guitar she wanted to learn how to play South of the Border, and Eve of Destruction by Bob Dylan. How upset she would get when we would just sit in the house on hot afternoon in Carmicheal and watch tv. Sitting with her and dad watching the first episodes of Johnny Quest, Flintstones, watching Captain Kangaroo together, watching Romper Room. She was the den mom for my cub scout den, how much effort she would put into those meetings, and the special place she would find in her heart for boys like David Haynes who came from a broken family, i remember especially the day we made kites out of newspaper and we painted on the newsprint and made the kites. Her kisses good night. Her in that hospital bed when we were taken in to say goodbye before Christmas soon after Steven’s birth – but she came back and we had her all of these extra years. Working out in the yard with her and Dad, her smile. How she liked Irises, roses. The time Nicki who with the three girls and baby Scott were living with us, made tacos for the first time in our house. How she loved pork slices from the Chineese restaurant. Her putting medicine on Cheryl and Steve as their rashes got bad, putting ice in the bathtub for Cheryl when she broke out in hives. How she hated riding in the car on bridges. The time she got all dressed up in this wonderful blue dress for I think it was Dad’s class reunion – how beautiful she was, easter dress yellow with Cheryl’s yellow easter dress. Making sure that she had a special gift for us kids on Halloween – she would give it to us when we came up to the door. Easter baskets so full and making easter eggs the smell of heated vinegar. Her voice behind me at the little league games cheering us on while she was scorekeeping. Bowling with her and Dad, fishing – her cigerette hanging out of her mouth and the beer in hand, sitting at the campfire with her roasting marshmellows. Lois and Larry and Michael and Tammi coming to visit in Idaho and going up to Yellowstone. Boyd and Nicki, Kathy, Natalie, Debbi and Scott coming to visit in Idaho and fishing on the river. I remember Mom coming to pick me up at work in the International which was this great big what is now an SUV and i started to get in the door and out jumped Nicki – nearly scared the shit out of me – they both had a great laugh. That’s what I remember about those visits – and the parties that Mom and Dad would have with Lois and Larry and Boyd and Nicki and Wally and Brenda – that they always had a good laugh and loved playing games. She really loved her brother Boyd. And she was very close to my Dad’s sister Lois – Lois rode around with Mom and Dad when they were first dating – Mom was like an older sister to Lois and her friend. And she loved my Grandmother Grace. Of course then there was the move to Idaho. Dad away for 3 months and the move into the northern country. I really had a difficult time, Cheryl and Steve adjusted well enough and Michael too, but I just didn’t fit in, guess I didn’t try to hard either. I really screwed around in school and just didn’t give a damn at the time. But I made it through. And most recently add to this list the 50th anniversary where they got to know David and the couple times we got to meet together at Grandma’s in Auburn, spending time together, sharing, going out to coffee with Mom in that Volkswagen. The great time David and I recently had up at my Mom and Dad’s house, visiting the glass museum, going down to the pikes fish market and the Chinese dinner and the Mexican restaurant with the bee in the window. That’s all I got – too much to remember but it’s feeling good to know that I have so much to remember – hope you do too. Hope this brings back fond memories and maybe you can add a few. We’re all going to miss you Mom: